Starring David Essex, Beau Bridges, Cristina Raines Directed by David Wickes Certificate 15 By @RogerCrow
Long before staged reality TV was a thing, when it came to compelling Brit superstars, the only way was Essex. David Essex. I would love to have been one of the punters sat in the cinema when the final few seconds of this vehicle played out. Like Slade in Flame, it’s one of those endings where you’re left thinking “What just happened?”. Essex of course is no stranger to the big screen having shone in offerings such as That’ll Be the Day and Stardust. By 1980 he still had that cheeky charm and bags of charisma. But as Days of Thunder proved a decade later, there’s something rather dull about watching vehicles race around a track.
Director David Wickes, helmer of Michael Caine’s brilliant Jack the Ripper mini series, does a great job juggling the drama and romance. Okay, there are times the obligatory training montage whiffs of ripe cheddar, but Cristina Raines (who starred in Ridley Scott’s feature debut The Duellists) is a delightful love interest, and the ever brilliant Clarke Peters (The Wire) adds solid support as Essex’s sassy sidekick, Cider. Brit films of the era that needed Americans usually featured the likes of Bruce Boa (who fared better in The Empire Strikes Back the same year) and Ed Bishop (years after making cult classic UFO). Both are present and correct. It mattered little that Boa was Canadian; he was always good value for money as an outspoken ’States’-man. Look out for Hull’s own Barrie Rutter, the man behind award-laden theatre company Northern Broadsides. It’s also good to see Harry H Corbett in a glorified cameo, even if this was his final film.
Trivia fans may note that Wickes’s screenplay was based on an idea by Michael Billington, the UFO veteran who was screen-tested for James Bond many times, and wound up being bumped off by 007 at the start of The Spy Who Loved Me. That title theme is a cracker; I even bought it a few years ago after interviewing Essex for a 2013 film called Traveller, which vanished without a trace. I’d love to get the chance again and ask him about SDR, a film which boasts a top drawer cast and crew, including the dreamy Diane Keen, who worked with Wickes a few years earlier on the big screen version of TV classic Sweeney!
Silver Dream Racer may not be a brilliant film, but it’s a fascinating curio which like the eponymous vehicle is well put together and streamlined. Director of photography Paul Beeson does a great job, and though it was obviously desperate to attract an American audience, with Beau Bridges giving a solid turn as Essex’s rival, that ending is a downbeat joy-sucking gob smacker. As mentioned before, I can only imagine the mood of those 1980 cinemas when punters emerged onto rain-lashed British streets and considered the futility of existence… while humming “I’ve a dream. Sil-ver dreeeam machiiine.”
However, apparently two different endings were shot and released, so some cinemagoers may have had more of a spring in their step after those closing credits. I know which ending I prefer, and it’s as bleak as a wet January weekend. Rock on David(s). Well played.
Cast 8 Screenplay 7 Cinematography 7.5 Editing 7.5 Direction 8
Starring Pierce Brosnan, Sean Bean, Famke Janssen Directed by Martin Campbell Certificate 12 By @RogerCrow
Six long years. That’s how long Bond fans waited between 007 offerings. And no, I’m not alluding to the gap between Spectre and No Time to Die. Following the hit and miss Licence to Kill in 1989, James Cameron filled the gap with True Lies, the best Bond film never made. With bigger stunts, epic set pieces and man mountain Arnold Schwarzenegger filling out a Goldfinger-inspired tux, it was just the super spy placeholder fans needed until 1995. But director Martin Campbell had several aces up his sleeve for the first of his Bond offerings. One was Famke Janssen as the ultimate femme fatale, Xenia Onatopp. The sexy psycho crushed men between her thighs and when she gunned down a room full of workers her reaction was pure 50 Shades of Grey… for killers.
The other was of course Piece Brosnan, the man born to play Bond. With his good looks, bags of charisma, and ability to make fans weak at the knees, this was the 007 millions had waited for. Like a mix of Connery and Moore, he was the chosen one. Six years is a long time to hone a script, get all the elements together and then show the world your masterpiece. And when you have all of that time at your disposal, who do you get to play a posh secret agent? Why, Sean Bean of course, the pride of Sheffield.
I love films that hit the ground running, and GoldenEye has such a sense of forward momentum, it’s like one of those elaborate domino set-ups where one scene knocks onto another. From the terrific pre-credits scene and that stunning dam jump when you know who infiltrates a Russian base, to the face off between him, fellow agent 006 (Bean) and a party of bad guys, things tick over like a Swiss watch. Campbell knows when to slow things down and Bond hiding behind a squeaky wheeled prop is a joy. Okay, the free fall into a plane is absolute rubbish. Just awful, but it’s testament to how good the rest of the movie is that many are willing to forget that moment. Those slick opening titles are superb, as is Tina Turner’s belting theme song penned by Bono and The Edge.
Years later and Bond is being assessed by a prim and proper official type (Serena Gordon) while driving absurdly fast, endangering a bunch of cyclists and flirting with Ms Onatopp. She’s driving a Ferrari, so naturally he feels the urge to go full Clarkson and overtake her like a suicidal lunatic. But it seems Bond has met his match. He winds up skidding to a halt, and not only decides to seduce his assessor, because he’s a sex addict, but also decides to drink and drive with a handy bottle of champers secreted in his car. Bad Bond; you need to go on half a dozen courses. No wonder M is permanently fed up with you, even if you do repeatedly save the world. M of course this time is York’s own national treasure Judi Dench, who was such a natural fit as a Stella Rimmington-inspired matriarchal boss that 007 soon had a new dynamic. Gone was the gentleman’s club aesthetic of previous Bond boss briefings, and in came the harsh headmistress. The “evil Queen of numbers” was such a good fit and Ms Dench so brilliant, little wonder she stayed with the series until Skyfall in 2012. (Okay, Spectre for that sneaky cameo).
With some valuable exposition which doesn’t feel as forced as previous Bonds, series regular Tanner (the superb Michael Kitchen) fills us in on all sorts of intel, though chances are 007 knew all that already, inbetween bedding his assessor and getting fitted for another bespoke suit while checking himself Fonz-like in the mirror. Stitching all of this together is Eric Serra’s controversial score. Fresh from the success of Leon, he was obviously told to “do that again”, only with a bit of John Barry thrown in, naturally.
I like it. Atmospheric, different, with a hint of Soviet threat. But some think it’s the work of Satan. Each to their own. When it comes to that final track, Serra should have been arrested for crimes against cinema, but I usually turn the sound off at that point. The plot, involving the eponymous orbiting weapon and an EMP capable of wiping out computers, is good, though I had come up with an identical story a decade earlier without knowing what an EMP was. Clearly loads of other people had too, but in an era when email was still a novelty, and “web-sites” were the stuff of sorcery via dial-up modems, millions were terrified at the thought of not being able to chat to their mates on the other side of the world without posting letters or using the phone.
The archetypal computer geek is here given a Russian twist care of Alan Cumming’s keyboard wizard Boris, who works with sexy fellow office slave Natalya (Isabella Scorupco). They share uneasy banter, and he sends her dodgy emails with cartoon characters, because nothing is more dull on screen than reading emails. When evil forces invade their chilly base, Xenia Onatopp takes great joy in machine gunning every one down. Well, almost everyone. The GoldenEye device is stolen; Natalya escapes, crosses paths with Bond, and they spend the rest of the movie escaping death while he naturally tries to bed her.
If you can cope with a staggering bit of product placement, the tank chase through St Petersburg is terrific fun, and Gottfried John has a great time as an alcoholic Russian bad guy, Colonel Ourumov. Sean Bean’s Alec is of course the big bad, aka 006. Miffed that he missed out on last orders years earlier, and facially scarred, Trevelyan is now intent on world domination, and is as much of a sex pest as 007. Things eventually reach a climax as Bond and Natalya escape death on a train, and head off to meet their fate at 006’s base.
There’s so much going on in GoldenEye that you rarely stop and think how absurd it all is. Pierce Brosnan is cool personified, whether barely flinching as bullets whiz by his ear or doing assorted 007 things. The fight scene in the finale is fast, furious and brilliantly staged. It has all the energy of that third act of Die Hard, and there’s no higher praise than that. The stunt when Bond falls down a gantry staircase and hits his ankle on a rail makes me wince every time. The effects are old school masterpieces from the much missed Derek Meddings, who bowed out with this classic. Okay, not all of them work, but give me these visual tricks over the CG atrocities committed in Die Another Day any time. The cast is terrific, the editing by the brilliant Terry Rawlings is superb, and as debuts go, Brosnan is outstanding. Solid support from Joe Don Baker as Felix Leiter type Jack Wade; Robbie Coltrane chews the scenery in the first of two appearances as Russian fixer Valentin Zukovsky, and even Minnie Driver as a Russian cabaret singer helps make this a joy.
Famke Janssen’s Xenia remains my favourite femme fatale of the saga, stealing every scene she’s in, even when she’s in the background. It’s a crime that her character didn’t get her own spin-off movie, but I guess you can have too much of a good, or rather bad thing. With a better plane stunt at the start and any other song at the end, GoldenEye would really shine. But 95 per cent of this 1995 smasher does work. Little wonder it’s in my top five of 007 capers.
If you had to name one of the most important film producers of the last 50 years, the name Alan Ladd Jnr might not be the name that jumps out. However, without this quiet Hollywood producer, chances are there would have been no Star Wars, Alien, Blade Runner, and basically many of the best films ever made. Or if they had finally made it to the big screen, there’s a chance that magic which made them classics would have been watered down.
As anyone in the industry will tell you, Laddie is a bit of a closed book. He’s so quiet that many A-list stars have to lean in just to hear what he’s saying, but you know what they say about empty vessels making the most noise. A documentary about the great man has been long overdue, but he is a master of understatement, and his soundbites don’t exactly fly at you thick and fast, unlike Mel Brooks, one of the contributors. So who better to make a film about him than his own daughter, Amanda?
Chances are millions will know Alan Jnr’s dad, the star of Shane and many other classic movies. Alas, Alan Ladd (Snr) died tragically young at 50, and Alan Ladd Jnr was left on the cutting room floor of many reports about his father’s personal life. ALJ sought solace in movies, and so when he got a job in the mail room at a film company, it was the first rung on a ladder which would see him move to London with his young family, so he could eventually return to Hollywood and become a key player.
When he set up The Ladd Company in 1979, its simple tree logo and John Williams theme would become one of my favourite idents in history. It preceded some of the best films of the 1980s, including Outland, The Right Stuff and the peerless Blade Runner. Just the frisson of excitement seeing that logo for the 100-plus viewings of Ridley Scott’s masterpiece has an almost Pavlovian response for any fans of Harrison Ford’s masterpiece. I guarantee if you played Williams’ theme in a room full of movie buffs and asked what it was followed by, most would say the thunderous opening bars of Vangelis’s Blade Runner theme. And possibly a few other movies.
This documentary is bursting with great contributors, including Ridley Scott, George Lucas, Ron Howard, Ben Affleck, Morgan Freeman and Mel Gibson. Perhaps best of all is Richard Donner, who has long been worthy of his own doc as one of Hollywood’s greatest TV and film directors. These days the movie industry is dominated by bean-counters and analysts who examine every aspect of a film to ensure it appeals to the largest audience possible. Alas, it also means many of the quirks that make a good movie great are usually thrown out because an analyst thinks it won’t sell in Texas or Italy for example, so we’re left with the blandest of movies. Thanfully Laddie was never one of those guys. He relied on his gut instinct and trusted a film-maker. If he hadn’t, some of the best loved films in history would be stuck in development hell.
He might not be the most dynamic screen presence, and his answers are almost comical in their brevity, but his actions spoke louder than words. No Laddie, no Thelma and Louise, or Braveheart, or Police Academy. (I never knew The Right Stuff, which Laddie hates to talk about because of the problems it generated, led to the birth of that hapless cops saga.)
I can’t imagine what life would have been like without Star Wars, Alien or Blade Runner, three of my favourite films, so for those alone, Alan Ladd Jnr, I raise a glass to you every time they grace my screen. Cheers.
Starring Richard Jordan, Jason Robards, Alec Guinness Directed by Jerry Jameson By @RogerCrow
Chances are you know that old gag about this epic 1980 flop. Apparently it cost so much money, producer Lew Grade said: “It would have been cheaper to lower the Atlantic.” But there’s a vast difference between a flop film and a bad movie. So which is this? Well, any film which features a score by York legend John Barry is already worth a look and listen. Based on Clive Cussler’s best-selling 1976 novel, this adventure follows a team of scientists on a historic and potentially deadly mission to recover valuable raw material Byzanium from the depths of the doomed passenger liner.
The cast are superb, especially Richard Jordan as the he-man hero Dirk Pitt (a role later played by Matthew McConnaughey in Sahara). Solid support comes from Jason Robards and Alec (exposition) Guinness; it’s great to see M Emmet Walsh, just before films like Blade Runner and Blood Simple made him a cult hero. And the dreamy Anne Archer is terrific as the wholesome love interest, a few years before her stunning turn in Fatal Attraction. She really needed to go along for the mission because there’s far too many blokes standing around being serious.
B-Grade flop?
It looks fabulous. The wintry location shots in the opener are amazing, and let’s just sing Mr Barry’s praises again. Absolute class. It’s like adding a thick layer of audio velvet over every shot. Director Jerry Jameson, veteran of TV classics Search (a lost masterpiece) and The Six Million Dollar Man) keeps things ticking over. The story is a high concept winner that in the hands of a great screen writer would be a solid gold smash. But the problem is the script. It’s just slightly off, like listening to a great song on a badly tuned radio. Lew Grade, having backed a load of TV classics like The Persuaders and The Protectors, obviously threw piles of cash at the project as he turned movie mogul, so full marks for effort, but no cigar.
The problem is that money shot when (spoiler alert), the ship is re-floated. It goes on forever… in slow motion… few reaction shots from the cast. Just the ship. Being re-floated. From every angle. Majestically. Best to go and make a cuppa during that bit, which is a shame. Give me decent model work over CGI any day, but water just doesn’t scale down, so anyone trying to create such a spectacle in 1980 really had their work cut out.
A pile of ‘Dirk Pitt’?
Had it been remade now, which is not a bad idea, James Cameron or Roland Emmerich would work wonders. But while some might think it’s a pile of ’Dirk Pitt’, it’s actually a fascinating curio with an ending that feels like it pre-empted the denouement of Raiders of the Lost Ark a year early.
So it only took 41 years, but I’m glad I finally saw the film that has been a running joke for decades. With a tighter money shot, and some snappier pacing, there is a great film here, but problems aside, it’s still well worth a look regardless.
Starring Euegne Simon, Emily Wyatt, Jennifer Martin Directed by Martin Grof By @RogerCrow
When a lowly postman is inducted into a top-secret superhuman DNA program at a research facility, it’s revealed that he’ll be able to receive, control and send information based on the senses of others.
That’s the intriguing premise for this thriller which boasts flashy opening titles, a cool theme and then, sadly, it just becomes annoying. Shady characters who laugh for no reason; a Matt Smith-style hero (Game of Thrones veteran Eugene Simon) who bumbles around, but has special skills he doesn’t know how to use; a supporting cast of characters who clearly haven’t got a clue what’s going on, and scenes that should have been trimmed to the bone… but go on forever.
It’s not. It’s far from it.
I thought I might be a tad unfair, but the consensus of opinions on the IMDb also side with the dreadful. It’s badly scripted, the acting is like a Cambridge Footlights freshers’ show, and I didn’t believe a word of it. Do yourself a favour and pick any of the Avengers TV series to see how this could have been done better. It’s far from a Sensation, sadly. But while it may be bad, at least it’s not as horrendous as Breeder and The Ringmaster, and for that we should be truly grateful.
Imagine a gender-flipped version of American Psycho, with a touch of Basic Instinct; an obsession with fancy cars, slick visuals and a champagne lifestyle. Then add a script where most gags falls flat; the anti-heroine is a fitness-obsessed sociopath; add a mix of cool eighties tunes, and you get the idea behind this “campy comedy thriller”.
Louise Linton’s good looking vanity project is all gloss, no substance.
Catherine Black (Louise Linton) is a filthy rich tycoon businesswoman. She’s addicted to everything, and yet knows the value of nothing. Catherine sets her stall out early by berating her long-suffering office workers with a ball-busting tirade, then eats a spider, which comes as a shock to nobody.
She drives the same Aston Martin from Die Another Day, which is supposed to come across as cool and impressive, but just looks like an annoying flashy car advert. There’s also a gratuitous plug for that online exercise bike company, and I’ve no doubt they threw a chunk of change at the movie. Fair enough. Even the best films have product placement, but I do wonder if they wanted their money back when they saw the finished thing.
Sofa… so bad
Remember how poor Sex and the City 2 was with its high gloss visuals and obsession with designer everything, yet was rotten to the core? This is almost as annoying. Full marks to Louise Linton for writing, directing and starring in the project. It’s a pretty accomplished job for any rookie director, and she clearly knows how to make a film look good. Just a shame it wears its influences on its designer sleeve, and cross references them. Yes, there is even a nod to American Psycho, which is fine when done well. It lets the audience in on the joke. Except in the first few minutes, our smug, fourth-wall breaking ’heroine’ puts us in our place, and treats us with contempt. Which is a bold move if there’s a well-crafted script and a likeable lead to win us over in the end. But Catherine Black is like an offensive stand-up comedian with poor material and a hatred for the punters.
Stunning cinematography, cool gold boots and a great set will only get you so far, but this is vacuous stuff. Ed Westwick, who was rather excellent in TV comedy drama White Gold, is sold short here. I bet he yearned for the witty dialogue of that series.
The fact it boasts Hold Me Now, one of the best Thompson Twins numbers, as a closing track is definitely a point in its favour. Me, You, Madness has a lot going for it, not least its superb cinematography, and it could have been a better movie if it wasn’t from the point of view of a toxic narcissist.
More show less tell, a decent script editor, and an anti-heroine who talks to us with warmth, Fleabag style, and it would have made all the difference.
Imelda May talks to @RogerCrow about her new album, songwriting, and why gigs are like sex.
Hi Imelda. I loved your 2017 gig in Hull – an amazing show.
I was talking to everyone about Hull after that. I didn’t know Hull was so beautiful. It’s such a gorgeous place. I went for a run all the way around and I couldn’t believe it. I love the balance between the new and the old. It’s just so vibrant. There’s a lovely vibe to it. Really creative. There’s a new life feel to it, which is lovely.
May. A force to be with.
I like the fact the gig was both epic and really intimate as well.
Oh I’m delighted you said that. Yeah, I love gigging; I’ve gigged since I was a teenager. It feels right to me, being on a stage. There’s almost an escapism to it. I love being in a studio and I love writing, but when you get into the music business, there’s more business than you’d prefer, you know? There’s a lot to do, especially with an album coming out and you’re working on loads of lovely things.
I think it’s my responsibility as an artist to go on a journey, without sounding cliched, and bring the audience with me. I remember Bono telling me “It’s like sex”, and he’s right. You work up to it and there is a massive climax at the end (laughs).
It must’ve been great to work with the likes of Ronnie Wood and Noel Gallagher.
Ronnie is a massive lover of life, and his vibrancy is contagious. He is just amazing. I was on his last album, and he said he’d be on mine.
Bono introduced me to Noel years ago and we stayed in touch. I’m a massive fan of Noel’s and I love his High Flying Birds. ’Just One Kiss’ was crying out to be a duet, and I was delighted when he agreed to be on it. His voice is just incredible. He just brings such a great vibe, you know?
(The unexpurgated version of this interview will be available soon).
*Imelda May’s new album ’11 Past The Hour’ is released on April 26th.
Directed by Savvas D Michael Starring Ian Reddington, Vas Blackwood, Steven Berkoff Certificate 18 By @RogerCrow
Drugs, gangsters, prostitutes and hyper stylised imagery are the order of the day in the latest trippy offering from Savvas D Michael. The film maker is turning out movies like there’s no tomorrow, and while he coaxes some great turns from his cast, this offering is filled with so many unlikeable characters, it’s hard to know who to sympathise with. When you spend more time looking at certain visual flourishes, like the billowing plumes of red smoke from the drug at the heart of the drama, you know things are a little off. And the cinematography is terrific for what must be a relatively low budget affair. Once more the director has assembled his repertory company of familiar faces, like soap veteran Ian Reddington; the scenery-chewing Steven Berkoff, and Lock Stock’s Vas Blackwood. It centres on a murderous vigilante couple (Fernanda Diniz and Jack Turner) who tear through the city, serving vengeance to dealers of a new designer drug called Red Devil.
Red Rage. Good looking, some nice visual flourishes and a fine cast…
Performances are pretty good, as is the script. There is one epic one-take shot that is beautifully orchestrated, and at times it’s reminiscent of cult midnight movies helmed by Alejandro Jordorowsky. But impressive performances and stunning visuals are let down by a humdrum story, which is a shame because as with most of his films, Savvas D Michael occasionally touches on greatness. The bottom line is: is it a story worth telling? And in this case, sadly not. I believe SDM has a terrific film in him with the right story, but while the eye candy and street patter is sharp and striking, like his others films Righteous Villains and Original Gangster, the ending will leaving some viewers disappointed.
Cinematography 8.5 Cast 8 Script 7 Direction 7.5 Story 4
Red Rage will be available on DVD & Digital Download from 19th April
Katye Herbers, Claire Porro, Bram van der Kelen Directed by Ivo Van Aart By @RogerCrow
Columnist and author Femke is flooded with anonymous nasty messages and death threats on social media. One day she has enough and decides to take revenge. That’s the premise for this jet black comedy drama which commits the cardinal sin of just being okay.
The problem is it’s reminiscent of so many other better films, such as A Serial Killer’s Guide to Life, while that annoying, rather self satisfied denouement was done so much better in American Psycho.
Revenge thrillers can be terrific when done well, such as the aptly named Joan Collins drama Revenge from 1971, but not the namesake Kevin Costner offering from 1990. It’s not enough to just have a writer wreaking their revenge on internet trolls. The fact she’s likeable enough is one thing, but having her turning up at the homes of her trolls and then killing them, while storing their fingers as trophies is just a bit… hmmm.
The fact these murders help ease Femke’s writer’s block of course would have been an interesting spin, but Stephen King covered similar ground with Misery. The trauma of being kidnapped by his number one fan of course ensured the writer in that classic penned his greatest work. The Columnist is the flip side of the same coin.
Director Ivo Van Aart keeps things ticking over, while Katye Herbers is a likeable enough lead. Claire Porro is also pretty good as her daughter, who is conducting a high school campaign for free speech. Bram van der Kelen adds fine support as the heroine’s goth boyfriend. It looks good, is well edited and the cast are perfectly fine. But I wanted something with a little more oomph.
crowsfeat - Film/theatre reviews and exclusive interviews 